03/2012 對話新讯息: 精進「對話力」小秘訣 / Tips for Refining Your Dialogic Skills


自從新書《對話力-化衝突為合作的神奇力量》出版後,我有機會應邀帶領讀書會,這些團體有醫療機構、科技公司、大學院校以及民間社團,因為參與者屬性不同,帶領的方式稍許不同,然而每次經驗都讓我更深刻了解一般人對「對話力」的了解與需求。

通常我會先請參加者分享一次他們印象深刻的對話經驗,從他們的分享中萃取促成對話的元素,往往會聽到共同的元素, 如傾聽、尊重、安全、不批判、問問題、釐清、專注、接受、被聽到、不插嘴、沒有預設立場、引發新的想法等。儘管人們不確定「對話」的定義,似乎有一些共通的價值存在讓人珍惜這種溝通,而且認為對話隱藏著比溝通更高深的層次與更有意識地技巧運用。

英文中的Dialogue來自希臘文字根「dia」,為「穿透」之意;「logos」意思是「字」或「意義」,也就是「穿透字面」意涵。對話就是:一群人在一起互相了解,在彼
此的差異中建立信任,透過談話產生正面的結果。從對話界最早的實踐者 (Dialogue practitioner) 大衛.包姆(David Bohm) 到《深度匯談》(Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together) 一書作者威廉.艾薩克 (William Issacs),他們分別對「對話」的精神、工具、運作,皆有詳細地說明。

在對話領域經歷過一番閱讀、學習以及實踐之後,朝邦基金會決定翻譯《對話力-化衝突為合作的神奇力量》(The Magic of Dialogue); 原因是我們特別喜歡本書言簡意賅地指出「對話」必備的三個特質:平等待人、同理傾聽、釐清假設。 在翻譯這本書時,我們創了一個新名詞—「對話力」,賦予對話更廣的含意。如果說對話是一種高層次、有意識的溝通流程,在這個流程中, 如何聆聽、如何探詢、如何陳述自己的看法、立場(主張)、
如何共同思考、學習,形塑了這個對話的動態與內容,那麼我們可以說「對話力」就是個人或者團體聆聽 、探詢 、陳述己見、立場(主張)省思的綜合能力。

作者丹尼爾.楊克洛維奇 (Daniel Yankelovich) 將對話與討論、爭辯、審議作區隔,認為這三項是特質、原則,也可以是一種溝通的態度。任何溝通能夠善用這三個原則,所有的討論、爭辯都有可能轉化為對話,為彼此或議題帶來更深層的了解、新洞見或是可能性。不過,對話有別於其他形式的溝通,最重要的是對話參與者或主事者有意願用開放的心態,放掉成見或已知的答案,然後聆聽、學習對方的看法,找出需求、並有更深層的了
解,或是找出更完善的答案。如果沒有這個意願,對話的特質或技巧就會失去用武之地。

然而個人想要在對話能力上有顯著的增長或改變,要先從哪些方面下工夫呢?就像學武功要先從蹲馬步開始,以下幾個提高個人對話能力的基本技巧,建議您不妨當作每天練習的課題,開始精進您的「對話力」!

「對話力」個人練功坊 

  • 懸掛評判
    • 放慢呼吸放掉思維. 安靜的專注的呼吸五分鐘。一有思緒干擾,立即回到專注呼吸。
    • 注意評判對傾聽的影響每天至少利用一次對話來練習。想像你把評判放在腦袋一邊,繼續傾聽。每當評判出現就把它懸掛一邊,繼續傾聽。
  • 辨識假設
    • 當你遇到有人與你意見不同時,觀察自己的反應。 問問自己,我正在用來觀察的鏡片與對方所使用的有何不同?我們的觀點中帶著哪些假設與信念?
    • 注意你對某特定人士的假設是否影響你與他的對話方式。探索自己的心智制模式。以推論階梯來探詢與你意見相左的人的想法。
  • 聆聽
    • 審視一下你的傾聽能力。當對方說話時,你有哪些行為舉動?心裡冒出什麼想法?留意一下你是用開放或封閉的心。 什麼情況會阻礙你的傾聽能力?或激勵你的傾聽能力?
    • 當你察覺自己在抗拒聆聽某人時,觀察一下自己的感性反應。 當你不再抗拒時,是什麼情況?
  • 探詢
    • 如果你不是很瞭解或者不同意對方的說法,試著讓大家把想法多說一點。例如可以問:你的想法是基於哪些資料?或:就這樣的結論,你有其他的例子嗎?
    • 用問題找出不同觀點中可能的關係。例如問:我們對這個議題不同的意見中,有哪些相關連嗎? 練習一直問問題,而不要急著解決問題或得到結論。留意一下當你花時間在為團體解決複雜問題或回答難題實心中不舒服的感覺。
  • 反思
    • 在對話中,突然靜默下來時,留意一下你的反應。什麼時候讓你舒服/不舒服?回答問題之前,停頓一下做幾個深呼吸,或者放慢說話速度。留意一下,這樣的回應有何不同。
    • 利用專注的呼吸讓自己處在中立觀察者的立場,然後以此收集資料。觀察者的角色能擴展你的思考範圍。會議或一對一會談結束後,到一旁靜坐片刻,深思剛才得到的主要學習—不管是談話的內容還是使用的形式(對話、討論等)。

( 資料出處: Dialogue at Work: Skills for Transforming Organizations Through Inquiry and Reflection,
by Glenna Gerard and Linda Ellinor 朝邦文教基金會 韓世寧譯)

對話不一定帶來共識 而且必須與決策分開當面對一個棘手且一再重複的問題時,最好能以探詢的方式找出大家對這個問題的觀察、詮釋以及假設,以及提出的可能解決方案。當結果不是你所期望的時候,不妨回頭檢視那些讓你做出決定及行動的假設及想法。當問題剛剛冒出時,要立刻確認與處理,否則會常因為一句:「你有什麼看法」而逐漸釀成危機。

當你需要做出一個很重要且影響層面很廣的決策時,最好能立刻進行一個對話,以確保不同的聲音都有機會表達,等到每一種選擇背後的想法都能呈現後,再做決定。

好奇與關心開啟對話。對話力的精進 就從你身邊最關心、好奇的人、事、物開始!

(朝邦文教基金會 執行長吳咨杏撰寫)


Tips for Refining Your Dialogic Skills


Publishing the Chinese translation of the The Magic of Dialogue: Transforming Conflict into Cooperation led to a series of book study groups with medical institutions, technology companies, universities and civil society organizations of whose unique attributes inspired in me, the facilitator, a more profound appreciation of dialogue’s usefulness among society’s different sectors.

Participants would begin each study groups with sharing stories about their experiences of dialogue. Common qualities would inevitably repeat across the stories such as deep listening, respect, safety, nonjudgementalism, inquiry, clarification, focus, acceptance, being heard, not interrupting, and having no preconceived agendas; the group sharing would gradually develop into an actual dialogue with new insights emerging. Although the participants were unsure of dialogue’s exact definition, they felt it was a kind of higher level and more conscious communication skill.

Literally, the English word “dialogue” derives from the Greek “dia” meaning “through”, and “logos” meaning “words” or “meaning,” so refers to meaning being transferred through language leading to the deepening of trust and the generation of positive outcomes.
Dialogue’s spirit, tools and practices are explained in detail in William Issacs’ book Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together and can be experienced in David Bohm’s practice of dialogue circles. The CP Yen Foundation however decided to translate the The Magic of Dialogue 《對話力-化衝突為合作的神奇力量》 because we really like its succinct focus on dialogue’s three essential practices: equality among people, empathic listening, and surfacing assumptions.

While translating this book, we began using the term “dialogic skills”,「對話力」, to highlight dialogue’s broader implications. If we say dialogue is a type of higher level conscious communication process during which we learn how to listen, how to inquire, how to state our perspectives (advocate) and how to think collectively, we can learn how to actively shape the dialogue dynamic and contents, making “dialogic skills” a comprehensive capacity and active influence by the group or individual.

The Magic of Dialogue’s author , Daniel Yankelovich, discerned three types of communication attitudes: discussion, debate and deliberation. Any communication, he said, can use dialogue’s three principles to shift a discussion or debate into a dialogue, to achieve a greater depth of mutual understanding. Dialogue is different from other forms of communication because participants desire to have an open state of mind, be able to put aside preconceived ideas and answers, and then to listen and learn about others’ perspectives, identify needs and to have a deeper understanding or more complete answer. If this aspiration does not exist, the quality of dialogue or skills will lose their usefulness.

However if individuals want to have significant growth or change in their dialogic capacities where should they begin working? Martial arts begins with a few basic steps, making each day an opportunity to refine one’s capabilities; the same can be done for developing your “dialogic capacities”!

“Dialogic skills” Individual Practice Workshop

  • SUSPENSION OF JUDGMENT
    • Practicing breathing slowly to release your thoughts. Sit quietly for five minutes and focus on your breathing. Notice each time you are distracted by a thought, then let the thought go and refocus on your breathing.
    • Notice the impact your judgments have on your listening in at least one conversation each day. Use your imagination to put your judgments to one side as you continue to listen. Each time a judgment arises, suspend it and continue to listen.
  • ASSUMPTION IDENTIFICATION
    • Observe your reactions when you encounter a person with an opinion that differs from yours. Ask yourself, “What lens am I looking through that differs from the one this person is using? What assumptions and beliefs underlie both of our perspectives?”
    • Notice how the assumptions you hold about certain people influence the kinds of conversations you have with them. Experiment with purposefully holding a different assumption about someone. Explore your own mental models and inquire into the thinking of someone else who sees things differently than you by using the Ladder of Inference.
  • LISTENING
    • Consider how well you’re listening to others. When they’re talking, what behaviors and internal thoughts of yours emerge? Notice when you listen openly and when you don’t. What situations block your ability to listen? Inspire you to listen?
    • Observe your emotional responses when you sense yourself resisting listening to someone. What happens when you do not resist? Listen for collective meaning by asking during a meeting or conversation: “If there were one voice speaking here, what would it be saying?”
  • INQUIRY
    • Try to reveal more of a person’s thinking when you don’t understand or when you disagree with what he or she is saying. For example, ask, “What data did you base your thinking on?” or “What other example led you to that conclusions?”
    • Ask questions about the possible relationships between diverse perspectives. For example, ask, “How are our different ideas about this issue connected?” Practice staying in the question rather than rushing to solve a problem or reach a conclusion. Notice any discomfort you have when it takes time for a group to solve a complex problem or to answer a difficult question.
  • REFLECTION
    • Notice your reactions when silence occurs in a conversation. When do you feel comfortable and uncomfortable? Practice pausing and taking a few breaths before answering a question, or speaking more slowly. Notice any changes in the way you respond.
    • Use your breathing to move to the position of neutral observer and gather information from there. Taking on the observer role expands the range of your perception. Set aside a few minutes at ht end of a meeting or one-on-one conversation to ponder the gathering’s major learnings – both in terms of the content talked about and the form of conversation used (dialogue, discussion, etc.)

from “Dialogue at Work: Skills for Transforming Organizations Through
Inquiry and Reflection” by Glenna Gerard and Linda Ellinor

Dialogue is not for creating consensus or decision-making; rather, through inquiry dialogue elicits information from different interpretations, reveals our assumptions, generates a variety of possible resolutions. A dialogic spirit begins with caring about what is around you and being curious about people and things!

Written by Jorie Wu, CPF, Executive Director of CP Yen Foundations

發表迴響

在下方填入你的資料或按右方圖示以社群網站登入:

WordPress.com 標誌

您的留言將使用 WordPress.com 帳號。 登出 /  變更 )

Google photo

您的留言將使用 Google 帳號。 登出 /  變更 )

Twitter picture

您的留言將使用 Twitter 帳號。 登出 /  變更 )

Facebook照片

您的留言將使用 Facebook 帳號。 登出 /  變更 )

連結到 %s